My Higher Power is John Stamos
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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