mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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