don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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