He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
