he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
