guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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