OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
