Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
