Betty ford says i'm here all night
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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