Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
