she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
