You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
