I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
