He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize