Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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