SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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