I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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