Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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