I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
