I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
