My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
