maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
