Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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