Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there