Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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