I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
