apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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