addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
