First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
