She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
