he shaved USA in his pubs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
