I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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