if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
