why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
