so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
