He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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