you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
