Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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