Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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