At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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