She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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