She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
