just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
