no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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