O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
