He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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