that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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