I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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