when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
