You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
