I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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