Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
