end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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