I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
