oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
