just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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