its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
