Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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