Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
