there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
