Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Vodka?
Forever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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