i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
