I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
