Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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