You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
