I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
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I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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