you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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