Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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