I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
