Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
