So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
