Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
