You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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