you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
