Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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