if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
